Change is in the Air—and in my Office

The short reason for this message is to tell you that I won’t be in the office for the month of July. The longer reason is to share why, if you’d like to read on. 

In the Fall of 2019, I was preparing to turn 39. This was an important milestone birthday because my father was 39 when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and 40 when he died. It is a profound experience, when you’ve lost a parent, to become the age they were when they died. It’s as if, for a shared moment, you’re both standing in the same place on life’s path, passing the torch of time. 

I was only three years old when my dad died and his passing affected me deeply, in ways I’m still learning about, through a significant developmental impact that engrained upon me the awareness of mortality as a fundamental life lesson. This understanding shaped my decision-making and my ability to build a life with an envisioned future. In my earlier years, this outlook manifested as a reckless style of carpe diem, marked by impulsive choices, believing deep down that I would not live long enough to see the fruition of anything.

But here I was, suddenly at 39, with a lifetime of questionable experience crammed behind me, and I paused. 

In one year, I’ll be 40. 

In 12 months, I will be older than my father had the chance to be. 

What do I want this life to look like? 

I was overcome with a sudden reverence for my life and a desire to honour it in a more intentional way. There is no doubt that I was recovering from burnout. I had spent the last few years in a frenzy after making some huge life changes. I left a marriage, I came out as a gay woman, I moved to a new home, I had my heart broken, I had my soul repaired, I opened a business, and—just a few months before this birthday—I closed that business. I was finally landing and it was time to recalibrate and to decide what I wanted 40 to look like. I set several goals for the upcoming year, but primarily, I knew that by the time I was 40, I wanted to be creating at my highest potential, however that might look. I was open. 

Towards the end of 2019, I was on Instagram on a Saturday morning and saw a post about a yoga teacher who was studying psychology. I felt this strange pang of admiration mixed with envy. You know, that feeling that you get when you see someone doing something you’d love to do, but your conditioning or your fragile self-esteem tells you that it’s out of reach? I shut the app and got in the shower, stewing about this stranger doing this thing that I really wanted to do. And then, before the shampoo was rinsed from my hair, I was overcome with a flood of if-not-now-when? energy. By January 2020, I was back in class at Mount Saint Vincent University.

I had started university when I was younger, fresh out of high school. But life had a different trajectory for me and I quit. Twice. You know, because carpe the friggen diem, right? Things worked out, as things tend to do, and I found my way to become a massage therapist—a profession that has benefitted my life in boundless ways and provided me with deep purpose, meaning, and inspiration over the last 20+ years. With this has come an undeniable evolution in my career that has drawn me into the mind/body connection and, along with the curiosity of my own personal growth, I have felt called to cultivate a richer knowledge of mental wellness in connection to holistic wellbeing. Secondary to this is the awareness that my own body is changing as I age, and that I need additional credentials that are less physically laborious if I want to keep working for a long time, as I most certainly do. Because it actually appears as if I might be around for many more years!

Last May, I graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology with a minor in neuroscience and completed a meaningful thesis on the topic of sexual identity transformation in adulthood that is now being extended to a book of collected stories. Undertaking my degree, and especially studying these topics, has been incredibly enriching at this time of my life. 

I was thrilled to receive news in March that I’ve been accepted into the Master of Counselling program at Acadia University—a training that feels powerfully aligned with my goals, values, and desired approaches. On a deeper level, this path feels kismet—a continuation of where my father left off when he was in the midst of his own career change, from the military to studying social work before he became sick. There’s no doubt that there was a feeling of destiny when I also received news of a federal research scholarship that will cover my entire program and allow me to continue research on new aspects of queer identity. 

If you’re reading this, thank you for letting me share my joy! Now what does this change mean for you? 

One of the wonderful things about this program (and there are many) is that it has a part-time option. This means that I will not have to close my practice and will be able to keep my current hours of availability. I have really enjoyed studying while working, because it provides a more organic feeling of information integration and a balance to the rigour of academic focus. As per the requirements of the program, I will be on campus at Acadia full time for the month of July each year of the three-year training. Outside of that, I will be in class every other Saturday, with a cohort that meets in Dartmouth.

I feel incredibly grateful and privileged to have this opportunity and to be able to take this next step in my career while also staying grounded in my day-to-day work with you. I do not know what my practice will look like in three years. Right now, I plan to maintain my massage therapy license and am considering a hybrid approach to service. What I know for sure is that I will happily be here until then to continue our work and to help you with whatever wellness goals and needs arise. 

Thank you for prioritizing your own care, and for choosing me as a trusted person on that path. Should you have any trouble finding appointment times in June before my break, please feel free to email me to be added to a cancellation list. 

Please take care, enjoy the possibilities of this (finally) emerging Spring, and check in if you need anything. 

Be well, 

Alicia